No, Never
by shred01
Summary: Missing party scene for 5x19. One shot. Contains spoilers.


**Title: No, Never**

**Author: shred01**

**Spoilers: All aired episodes.**

**Summary: Missing party scene for 5x19, _"The Lives of Others"_._  
_**

**A/N: All mistakes (spelling or otherwise) are my fault.**

**Disclaimer: I'm still raising the money to buy Castle. So as of now, it's not mine. Yet.**

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They sang the song.

He cut the cake.

Hugs where shared, smiles were exchanged.

More food came out. So did the champagne.

Cake was eaten. More hugs and smiles. Even more handshakes.

Two hours later, Castle's knee was screaming in protest as he shambled his way to the other side of the apartment to greet even more people. Even though the doctor had told him he needed the exercise, he was sure standing on his busted knee for almost the whole night wasn't exactly what the doctor meant. With the sprint to the opposite apartment earlier and hobbling around the apartment to make sure he thanked everyone for their part in his surprise birthday party slash April Fool's prank after that, Castle was sure that his knee had given up on him and was threatening to leave.

The night was still young though. There were more people to go through. There were presents that needed to be open. There were more hugs and smiles to give. This was only just the beginning. He needed his knee to get over it and suck it up.

"Thanks for coming. Please help yourself to more food," Castle said through the pain for the umpteenth time that night. His guests nodded their thanks and moved to the kitchen counter where all the food and drinks were. He twisted around and surveyed the small apartment, wondering if there was anybody else he missed.

His knee took that time to scream in pain yet again. This time much louder. He couldn't ignore it anymore. He needed to sit down and give his poor knee a break. Too bad his wheelchair was still back in the loft and all the seats in the apartment were taken up. _How many people are in here?_

Carefully maneuvering his way out of the kitchen, he made his way to the bedroom where the supposed murder happened. He nudged the bedroom door open with the tip of one of his crutches and headed towards the bed – the bed which was big and empty and oh so inviting. His body sagged in relief. He was just going to sit down for a few minutes, he told himself, before heading back out for round two. No one will notice he was missing.

He was still an amateur on the crutches but he pretty much mastered the act of dropping onto a bed or a chair without hurting himself further. It took him around a week to find that perfect angle, the prefect drop zone.

When he reached the edge of the bed, he whirled around expertly, let his crutches fall to the floor beside him and he let himself drop onto the bed. He made sure his bad leg jutted out in front of him as he fell back. He gripped the edge of the mattress with both hands to keep himself in a sitting position. Using his weight and momentum, he swung his legs onto the mattress. He twisted around at the same time so now his back was against the pillows and the headboard.

It wasn't the most graceful of acts but it got the task done with minimal pain. Almost immediately, his pain subsided, his knee sending out waves of gratitude.

As soon as he was comfortable, he reached into the inside pocket of his coat and pulled out the small bottle of painkillers he had with him. He shook two out then sighed in frustration. He didn't have a glass of water with him. He thought of dry swallowing it but dismissed the idea immediately. He hated dry swallowing pills. It makes his mouth taste funny and he didn't want to spend the rest of his party looking like he was trying to cough out a hairball.

He didn't want to get up either as he was already comfortable and getting out of bed was going to be so much of a hassle. One thing he learnt: falling down was easy, getting back up on his feet was much harder.

He returned the pills to its container and tossed it onto the bed beside him. He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. Pain was all in his mind right? If he didn't think about it, he can't feel it.

Mind over matter right? Mind over –

"Castle?"

Castle cracked an eye open at Kate's voice. She was standing at the door, a hand on the knob. The only source of light from the living room haloed her as she peered into the dark bedroom. Her pearl earrings and her bare shoulders glim under the soft light. Even in the darkness, Castle could see the concern etched on her face. "Everything ok?" she asked as she took a step forward.

He dropped his hand to his lap and gave her a wan smile. "Yeah, everything's fine."

She must have noticed the pill bottle beside him as she asked, "Are you pain?"

"A little," he answered. His knee yelled _liar_ at him. "But I'll be fine."

"I'll get you some water," she said and before he could protest, she disappeared. He let a smile grow on his lips. He couldn't believe how wonderful she has been over the last two weeks. Between taking care of him, going to work and doing pretty much everything else in between, she still had the time to plan this epic birthday present for him.

It was also pretty remarkable how patient she was with him. He knew he wasn't the best patient in the world – god knows how many times his mother, Alexis and his two ex-wives have told him that – and if he was in her position, he would have bolted a long time ago. Kate, though, didn't. She stayed.

He needed to think of a way to thank her. Something big. Something special. Maybe he should keep his plans for Bora Bora. He knew no amount of trips would really say how grateful he was to her but he had to start somewhere. They could go once he's a little better. There are wheelchairs in Bora Bora right?

Maybe he'll throw in a super big thank you card as well. Or a basket of those mini-muffins. Didn't she mention something about red velvet cupcakes?

Yes, he'll do that. He'll take her away. If not Bora Bora, then maybe back to the Hamptons sans a murder. And he'll make sure that he'll do all the work; he'll take care of _her_. He'll make sure she knows how much this means to him.

A memory of earlier tonight – the scene of Kate in trouble, of Kate being held by the murderer, of the knife clutched in the murderer's hand – filled his brain causing his momentary joy to flee. The terror he felt when he thought she was going to die flooded his veins again. He shook his head, hoping to dislodge the memory.

She was ok. It was all a joke. Nothing happened. She's fine. She's _here_.

Kate reappeared with a tall glass of water. The bed dipped as she sat down beside him, her hip bone pressing sharply against his. "Here," she said as she handed him the water. He took out a couple of pills, popped them into his mouth and drained the glass.

"Thanks," he said as he set the glass down on the bedside table.

"Do you need anything else? Have you eaten? Shall I get one of the guys to bring your wheelchair over?"

Castle reached for her hand, smiling. "Kate, I'm fine. Just give the pills some time to do its magic and I'll be right out there dancing."

"Oh please don't. I don't want you breaking the other knee."

"Oh Detective Beckett, I'm an excellent dancer. The only thing I will be breaking on that dance floor are all those ladies' hearts." He winked. "It'll be fine. Awesome even."

Kate raised an eyebrow, looking not at all amused. "That's what you said before this happened," she reminded him as she waved a free hand over his cast.

Castle feigned hurt. "Oh ye of little faith." Kate threw back her head and laughed. The sound reaching out to him and warming his heart. Clutching her hand to his chest, he reached out with the other and curled his fingers around her waist. He tugged her closer to him. "And I can just say that you have been absolutely amazing the last two weeks. And doing all of this? Best girlfriend _ever_!" he sang.

Kate grinned as she ran her fingers through his hair, her nails scraping lightly against his skull, causing electricity to shoot through him. "You're not too bad yourself," she whispered. The moonlight that spilled into the room danced across her face. The light sharpened her cheek bones, made her lips redder, eyes brighter, skin aglow. God, she was beautiful.

He couldn't help but think of how he almost lost all of this. All of _her_. Even though she was never in any danger, the fear he felt was all too real and it made his heart plunge. Again. He blinked, swallowing hard. Kate's brow crinkled slightly. Almost immediately, he knew she felt the change of emotion in him. "What's wrong?" she asked.

He schooled his face into a blank mask. Forced a smile. "Nothing," he replied, going for light. Breezy.

Kate didn't buy it. She waited for him to crack.

Oh no he wasn't –

Maybe it was the painkillers or the two glasses of champagne he had or his troublesome knee but he did just that. Crack.

Castle sighed. "It's just that…when I saw you were in danger, when I thought you were going to die…I-I couldn't breathe. I'm pretty sure I felt my heart stop. I felt so scared that I was going to lose you and that I couldn't do anything about it. And that it would be my fault because I made you go over there and...and I felt so helpless. I haven't felt that way since Alexis…" he dropped his words, eyes downcast. He really didn't want to bring this up now but it was too late. The words were already out there between them, waiting to be dealt with.

Kate squeezed his hand. "Castle, I was fine. We actually had a couple of rehearsals and Michael was so –"

"I know that," he said, gently cutting her off. "I know it was fake. I know you were fine. But…during that moment, I didn't. I really thought I was going to lose you, Kate." He stared at their hands for a moment before looking up at her. "I thought I lost you."

Guilt splashed across Kate's face. "I'm sorry, Castle. I didn't mean to scare you. I should have known after what you've been through with Alexis...I should have been more thoughtful. I'm sorry." She paused, eyes searching his. "Are you mad?"

Castle remember the fear that Kate had all over her face when he realized the whole thing was a prank, wondering if the whole thing was going to blow up in her face. He didn't want to see that again. He didn't want her to be scared of him. He shook his head as his heart started climbing back up to his chest, the anxiety ebbing away. "I'm not mad. I just don't want to go through that again, that's all. I've already experienced the worst day in my entire life – twice actually when you count the day you got shot – and that's two times too many."

"Of course."

"Maybe the next time you are going to make up a fake murder for me, you should put Ryan or Esposito in trouble." He shrugged. "It won't be so terrifying if it were one of them."

Kate rested a hand on the back of his neck, fingers carding through the fine hairs there as she nodded solemnly. "Ok, I'll keep that in mind."

He cocked his head. "And also, maybe get an uglier murderer. He was such a pretty boy."

A grin played on her lips. Her eyebrows quirked. "Why, Mr Castle, were you jealous?"

"Oh no. Nothing like that. Just that Michael guy was just too pretty to be a murderer that's all."

"Right. Uglier murderer. Check."

"But most importantly, don't _ever_ make me think I'm going to lose you – under _any_ circumstances."

Kate shook her head, her eyes wide and swimming. "No, never," she said in a single breath, echoing his promise that he made to her months ago.

He covered the small distance between them and captured her lips with his. Her hold on his hair tightened, his fingers against her hip dug deeper as he poured more love into the kiss. She tasted of champagne. Of her. Sweet, soft, familiar. He flicked out his tongue and traced her upper lip, feeling her tremble. She rose slightly as he leaned back against the headboard. She was practically in his lap now.

He felt a hand on his chest and then she was pushing him away. They parted. Castle stared at her, confused. "What's wrong?"

"Your knee…"

"It's fine. The kissing helps with the pain actually."

Kate chuckled, her breath ghosting across his face. Her eyes were shinning with emotions he couldn't quite place. "I'm sure. But I also don't think it's a good idea to have a little make out session in here when we have about 30 people out there – _including_ your mother and daughter."

He pouted but his eyes were dancing. "It's my party and I'll make out if I want to."

"We'll save that for later, buddy," she promised as she kissed away his pout. "Come on. Let's get back out there or people will start thinking that the world famous Richard Castle isn't a party person." Castle huffed in amusement as Kate got to her feet. She picked up his crutches off the floor. "You sure you don't want one of the boys to go get your wheelchair?"

Castle waved her off as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed, grimacing a little. The pills were already starting to work and his knee was finally quiet. "I'll be fine," Castle replied as he struggled to his feet, groaning all the way up. Ok, maybe the pills hasn't taken its _full_ effect yet. "Besides, the chair will only get in the way."

"Ok but if you really need it –"

"I'll scream."

"That's all I ask." She handed him the crutches before turning to get the door.

"Oh Kate?"

"Hmmm?"

"Would you like to dance with me?"

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**_Thanks for reading._**


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